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K. L. Stewart's Dark Angels blog gives details into the characters, worlds, and inspirations related to all of the books in my Angels and Shadows series.

Monday, September 24, 2018

She's Facing Me (10 year Anniversary) and #metoo

It's been 10 years since the release of She's Facing Me: An Autobiographical Book of Poetry.  That's 10 years that I've been a published author.  I have learned a lot in that time, but all that's for another blog.  I want to talk about the significance of the book She's Facing Me in the world today. 

That book was my #metoo story, but way before the metoo movement.  Many of my family and friends were not aware of the things that happened in our house when I was a little girl.  This book is their only window in.  Some cried when they read it, some apologized.  That's not the reaction that I was looking for when I wrote it.  I was simply wanting to tell a story of emotions.  From the darkness and into the light.  I don't fault anyone for anything in my past.  Sometimes I have to deal with self-hatred, self-loathing, and push myself to keep going, but that's normal in these situations.  I have some days where I take strength from my past and instead of a warrior fighting a battle, I feel like the triumphant queen that has conquered a new kingdom of a fulfilling future.  This is what I was trying to put in the book.  Something to give others in similar situations hope.  Hope that you can take control of your own destiny.  No matter what our past was like, we can soldier on to new territory.  We can take our pain and turn it into power.  We can empower others.  We might not forget, but we can forgive.  After all, we are only energy and matter.  When our matter is gone, there is only energy.  What do we want that energy to be?  Hatred and fear that try to dominate others, or a forgiving nature that nurtures the world?  I chose the forgiving nature.

It's been thirty something years since some of the things that I wrote about in the book happened.  Thirty long years of re-living nightmares of reality, sometimes daily.  I decided when I wrote the book that it would only be written in poetry.  To write it in prose would almost be too painful and too graphic.  I've tried and it never really worked out.

Another reason is that when I write in poetry, I'm writing from my own, internal self.  If I were to write it in prose, then I would have to tell things that happened to other people around me.  As much as I would like to write it and rid myself of the burden, it is not simply my story.  Others around me were also affected, so I can't do that.  I cannot speak for them.  That is for them to do.  I reflect often on some of the things that I published.  I have days where I regret publishing some of the things, but then I remember the reason I did it.  Somewhere, there is a little girl that needs to read this book.  Somewhere, there is a girl in a similar situation that I was in.  She needs to read this.  She needs to know that there can be forgiveness and a better tomorrow.  As for my mother, I know that it would break her heart that I published it at all.  I know it, but I can't let that stop me.  I love her still, and she's gone on to a better place and I'm the one that is left on the earth.  I have the negative energy that I have to turn positive. 

Another point I want to make in this post is that it is relevant in many ways to news stories of sexual assault.  I see so many people on social media slamming women for waiting years to come forward.  I waited years, and I still have not named anyone.  I probably never will.  They are probably a father or grandfather to someone now, and what good would it do?  I would be forced to pay money to a lawyer that I don't have, I would probably have my reputation smeared, be called a liar, and destroy my own life.  That is why women don't speak.  I know it because I am one of those women who has been silent for thirty years.  I barely spoke when I was a child anyway, and was threatened daily about speaking to anyone about what happened.  So yes, as a fearful child, I remained silent...until this book.   I will not name the people (I don't actually know all of their names anyway).  But they know who they are.   They know, and that is their own burden to bear.  I sometimes hope that they are haunted by their actions as much as I am. I am haunted.  But I take that fear, and I create things that hopefully, inspire others.  So, before you blame someone for not coming forward, think to yourself what it costs them.  Sometimes it's more than it's worth.  Don't wait.  Don't be me, but also don't blame someone for staying silent.  Sometimes, the memory itself is so traumatic that we can't speak.  We can't put that kind of emotion into words.  We re-live it many times, but speaking, even when there is nothing to lose, is still a fight in itself. 

Until next time...sending my love! 

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Introduction to Angels & Hunters

Angels & Hunters is Here!

Angels & Hunters, the second installment of the Dark Angel Wars is finally here.  I have been working on Angels & Hunters since 2011, but a lot of changes and things taking place in my life ultimately delayed the release.  It is with great excitement that I announce that it is finally here.  Get it now on Amazon.com at my author page:  amazon.com/author/k.l.stewart               
Please feel free to send others to my page and spread the word.  This book has been a long time in the making and even though it is shorter than the first book, I feel that it is better in many ways.  I hope you enjoy, and if you do then please feel free to leave a review on Amazon.  Also, join my mailing list.  This is where (if all goes as planned), you'll get book readings, cut scenes, and many other goodies from all of my books.  So please fill out that form on the side of my blog so that you can make sure to get in on all the extras!  Until next time, Happy Reading!

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Exciting News

The second installment in The Dark Angel Wars is nearing completion.  I started writing this back years and years ago.  The final draft I began in 2012, and yes, it has taken me this long to complete it.  To those of you who have been waiting, just know that I am working very hard to get it out by the end of this summer.  I have edited, re-written, and nitpicked every detail.  With that being said, I'm sure there might still be a couple of spots that can use work, but I want to deliver the best book to you that I can.  I just have a few loose ends to tie up (like deciding on the final title and cover).  It won't be long though, so keep checking for updates on this site, my facebook, and sign up for my email list.  You can also check out my author page on Amazon where you can purchase previous books as well as leave reviews.  Also see my previous post to let me know what you think of cover concepts.

The K. L. Stewart Amazon Author Page

The K. L. Stewart Facebook Page

Friday, May 27, 2016

Cover Concept

I have been thinking about my cover for Angels & Hunters: book two of the Dark Angel Wars.  I've been playing around with different media and design programs.  These were designed on my phone.  Thoughts on these concepts?  Do you like the ideas or no?   Comments would be greatly appreciated.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

If You Wish Upon A Dandelion

The warm sunny days that we have had in North Carolina this spring have brought out many beautiful flowers.  Of all the flowers in the world, I have to say that I'm the oddity that appreciates the dandelions.  I think they are so much more than the irritating weeds that so many people think are waging war on their lawns.  Dandelions have many uses (for more on this there are many articles and recipes), and are vital to bee populations, but even more so to me, they represent my childhood wishes.  How many of you remember playing outside on warm sunny days, blowing the dandelion seeds to make a wish? 
The flowers outside our store

Me and my seventeen month old daughter love going outside and picking dandelions.  I am teaching her about making wishes on them.  It is a tradition.  One that I am proud to uphold and that builds a bond between me and my daughter.  I believe children's wishes are much more than wishes.  They are dreams, and hope.  They are the wildest imaginings and emotion that a child can carry.

My daughter with her flowers
 Now, I know I'm not the traditional parent.  For those of you who don't know, my husband and I own a game shop.  So, I'm raising my children in a very busy and non-traditional environment.  However, we have back rooms away from the main store where the oldest can have television time and relaxation and the youngest can play with her toys and take naps.  We don't have a big yard at the store to play in but I do often walk to the park and let my youngest play and even if we don't go to the park, my youngest likes me to put her in the stroller and stroll around the parking lot.  We have a picnic table that she can sit on and she likes to sit outside and watch cars, birds, and trains.  We also pick some of the only flowers available to us, dandelions.  To her these are wishes and a bit of natural beauty in the city. 

So, knowing now how I feel about dandelions and wishes and how important they are to my child, you can imagine how upset I was when the town decided to spray the nastiest smelling weed killer all over her dandelions as well as my mother-in-law's rose bush, which sits outside of our store.

This is my mother-in-law's rosebush (notice the brown and yellow)  It is almost all dead today.

We couldn't go outside for three days because the smell was so atrocious (it literally burned my nostrils).  My daughter got sick, probably from inhaling the fumes when the door opened, and all of her beautiful yellow and green wishes got turned brown.  They are still there, mind you, still standing, but brown.
The dandelions after being sprayed.

So, not only did the city fail to do what they set out to do, but they destroyed something beautiful,
something that was special.  They destroyed my daughter's wishes.  So I'm writing this not only to rant, but to spread the dandelion love.  Be aware of what you are doing and your impact on the environment and other human beings.  If you're going to destroy something, first of all, make sure you really want it gone, and second of all, make sure that you do it the right way (if you really want to kill a dandelion, you have to pull it up by the root).  Please enjoy the following articles and recipes on dandelions as well as your spring and summer.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Another World's Ocean

Sitting at the bottom
of another world's ocean
Just rubbing my feet
through these grains of sand

When the sky clouds up
The waves toss loudly
Rolling with the thunder
Ignited with lightning energy

I can only marvel at it all
Wonder if I am seen
If I'm counted among the sand
If they know I watch their beach